Pendragons Princess

I work in a mall. More specifically, I work in the food court of the mall in a major metropolitan city in the middle of the American Southwest Desert. This mall is no different from other malls across the nation except it is not your average cracker box design. This mall is shaped more along the lines of a triangle with several other lines crossing through the triangle at random points. I know, it sounds messy, but from what I understand, the guy who designed the mall was on ephedra at the time he was making the blueprint. Outside of this bizarre-shaped mall, along with the anchor stores placed at the points of the triangles, there is nothing particularly unusual. I can’t complain about the actual mall itself. My gripe in this case is the number of free range children who are set loose by their parents in the mall. These kids do nothing but run around, scream, screech, yell, and cry, especially the infants and toddlers. Needless to say the noise problem is out of control. And of course, none of the so-called parents of these kids discipline their kids or tell them not to run over other customers. The good news is, I am not alone in thinking this.

One day several months ago my boss came into work in the morning and she comes up to me and says that the mall is not an ideal place for children to be. I figured that something had to happen to her to make her say that to me, and it did. Apparently some kids tried to run over her while she was walking inside the mall on the way to work. Yes, my boss is made of win in this area: she is middle aged, unmarried, has no children. Of course she can say something like that. Moreover, she knows I am childfree like herself. Malls exist for retail stores and food service businesses to make a buck, not to babysit someone else’s children. This was not the first comment I heard while on the job. Last year, I had a customer, another middle aged lady but she was disabled in a wheelchair, who I was helping with a food order. Out of the blue, three toddlers start screaming loud enough to break glass. I looked around to see what was going on but it was just three kids out of control, as usual. No adult in sight of course. I had to suspect their so-called mother dropped them off to get the kids out of her hair for awhile. Back to my customer here. The disabled lady complained about all the screaming kids in the mall. Sympathetic to her plight, we shared the complaint together, wishing that Sundays were more quiet. Chances are my customer was hoping for a peaceful outing at the mall on a Sunday afternoon, but no such luck.

Then, of course, there are the much worse behaviors: toddlers laying on the floor, screaming and screeching, having a tantrum while the so-called parent stands by and watches their child but refuses to do anything about it. Oh, these people get attention, just the undesirable type of attention, such as stares from other people saying, “It’s your child, you do something about its tantrum.” Oh yeah. Meanwhile, that child is taking up space on the floor of the mall where people walk. Then they wonder why they get labeled as breeders. Which brings me to the following:

You are showing off your noisy child why? Trophy status? You couldn’t leave it at home with a sitter eh. I don’t have any concern for trophies; thank you for not asking me to make that trophy the center of my life. I have a real life with my childfree husband. I am just thankful I only have to put up with so many hours at work of screaming screeching kids out of control then come home to a quiet, peaceful sanctuary where my husband greets me with a smile and kiss.

I propose that all malls across the nation establish one day a week as being childfree. I am sure business would increase and mall goers can appreciate the peace and quiet without developing shattered nerves from the presence of out of control kids. Sunday would be a good day for making malls childfree. They are after all, days of peace and quiet and businesses could still make a buck.

(Note: This is cross posted from my blog at Livejournal)

A woman’s best friend is her husband. And if she does not have a husband, her best friend is probably a boyfriend, or male friend she is not romantically involved with. So, why a man? The media has long been espousing that a girl’s best friend is a diamond. Is it really, though? It is kind of hard to confide in a diamond and a diamond, regardless of its beauty, cannot be snuggled or held in comfort. Again, why a man? Is there more to the natural complement of the two genders than meets the eye?

If you are like me, a female, you probably have a very hard if not impossible time trying to relate to other females. For straight females this is a challenge, maybe less difficult for females of the lesbian persuasion. My personal lifetime experience has led me to conclude that males make better friends and confidants than females do. Why? Perhaps it is because there is less jealousy and backstabbing with male friends of females. I have been on the receiving end more than a few times in my life when it came to gossip, backstabbing, jealousy, and plain “You are not welcome here” statements said to my face by other females. As much as I have tried to “win” the friendship of females it cannot be done. The word win is a bit loaded, since true friendship has to be earned, not won or given. The same thing with true, genuine love - it is something that can not be given - it has to be earned.

On to my story. Both before the time I met my husband and after the time I met him I realized there is a reason the genders part from their own and become united with a member of the opposite gender. It is not just because of biological mating reasons, but because the psychological makeup is different between males and females. Males can easily be independent, not being impossible to please the way so many females are. Males are also more rational when it comes to dealing with personal issues while women tend to be more emotional, maybe too emotional and take everything personally, whatever happens to them. Logically, the logical-emotional balance is ideal in any kind of human relationship. What happens when there is an emotional-emotional match in the relationship?

Disaster. You could do everything in the world for your female friend, only to be dealt the final blow of “You’re not better than me.” Well, when anyone of my gender tells me, it is bye-bye. You are not a friend, you have never been a real friend. I can see that I wasted my valuable energy and time on you. I promise not to do that ever again. I don’t owe you a thing. Have a nice life.

Scenario number two: Trust. Okay so it takes a long time for trust to be earned, if at all. Should you flunk that trust test, it is bye-bye to you, too. Seeing that you decided to betray my trust by using my words against me in front of people I do not know, I can and I will up and walk out on you. Do not try to call me asking why I have not been around since you managed to get me rejected by you. If you want to openly reject my company, fine. I will grant you the same thing. But do not be asking me as to why I have not been in your presence in quite a while.

Those are just two prime examples of female jealousy. I should add to the second one, the female in question admitted to having a problem with alcoholism and being insecure of personal talents and abilities. And she told me this why? Maybe I should have taken that as a warning flag and gotten out of that acquaintance-ship sooner than I did since that was no friendship. But really, do men do this kind of thing? No, they do not. I can vouch for this since I had men friends in the past before I married my best friend.

Now, I can think of other reasons why men and not women are a woman’s best friend. As a friendship, the male is the solid one, capable of comforting the woman, encouraging her to forget whatever it was that hurt her and join the guy in spending time together, doing something good for herself. If the woman is lucky to have her father as a best friend, that’s even better. My dad and I were very close to each other several years before he died. Mom gave up on me, as so many women are wont to give up on daughters for whatever reason (most likely jealousy again). I was never able to please my mother even though I gave up so many personal interests for her. I had no friends at all, no communication with the outside world, was not allowed to achieve my maximum potential, increased problems at work, even tried running away from home (forget that, the cops would have been on my tail). I can honestly say my best friend at one point in my life was my father, not my mother. I still miss him. Then, getting married to my best friend - just the two of us all alone with a few witnesses and no family of any kind - that was the second to last nail in the coffin. The final nail in the coffin is the fact that I am childfree and a nullipara, something which I revel in. If you ask me I think my mother would have preferred being a nullipara too but hey back then people married just to legitimize doing it in the bedroom. Thankfully, my marriage is built on an entirely different premise.

My husband is my best friend. I can go to him with my personal troubles and not have to worry about him saying anything behind my back that could cause further damage. He makes me laugh when I am down. He is my comforter, my lover, my rock. He is always there for me. We work together, play together, worship together, and love together. I spend more time with my husband than I do anywhere else. I admit to being highly protective of my sweetheart. You see, he too has gone through his own private hells and has overcome much but together as a unit, we overcame even more. The two examples I have posed above may get buried to the point where they are forgotten.

Right now, however, my best friend is sitting up in bed watching an old British film. It’s just one of the many interests that we share in common. I think I will join him.

I wish I had a dime for every time that was asked of me, “Do you have any children? Do you want any children? Why don’t you want any children?” I cannot see how my not having kids would affect your life. Now, I can see where having a dozen kids would affect your life, especially if I was making babies just to get that monthly welfare check from the government. But as it is, my husband and I do not have nor want kids.

Instead of countering the questions asked with “We just do not want any kids”, I now prefer to ask, “Why do you want children?” Of course, this could provoke any number of responses from “I love children” to “Everyone has children.” That first one, “I love children”, is not really a good argument - Jeffrey Dahmer loved children, most pedophiles love children - their company, and especially touching children. As for ‘love’, hey, I love money - but should I go out and rob the nearest Wells Fargo bank? I think not. It is too easy to see where the “I love children” argument goes - nowhere.

The second one - “Everyone has children” - is funny but does not go without some criticism. There are some married couples, who, despite the fact they may be unable to reproduce, still have a meaningful relationship with each other. The couples actually has time for each other since there are no kids to get in the way of the relationship. Most importantly, however, is that not everyone marries just to have kids, even though that piece of paper from the government certainly does legitimize such human behavior. Especially since I know of quite a few people who have had children and are unmarried with no intention of marrying for the benefit of their children.

“Children bring such joy to your life and love you unconditionally.” So, is this before the child actually starts causing you migraines, says “I hate you Mom!” when the child turns twelve years old, and has their first run-in with the law for selling meth to five year olds on a bet with another high school student? Come on now. Children are tremendously dependent little creature who suck away your time, energy, and resources, only to grow up to be some bum on skid row. That is not exactly my idea of joy and unconditional love. If you want unconditional love, get a dog already. As for the joy part, well, my joy is in dancing. Maybe you can try tatting.

“Your children will take care of you when you get old.” Don’t speak to soon- your child may be planning to stick you in a nursing home as soon as you turn fifty years old. Worse yet, your child may be keeping a close eye on your assets so that he or she can make off with them as soon as your back is turned. Oh yeah. That’s unconditional love.

“My child will grow up to find a cure for cancer!” Oh yeah. The child won’t progress much in education if you continuously drag him or her down. Not only that, but there is a miniscule chance your child will grow up to discover a cure for anything, especially if you harp on your child for not being social enough and wasting time at parties and getting blasted instead of staying at home and studying that biology text. Try not to tell yourself that your child will grow up to be the next Albert Einstein.

So, really, why do you want to have children?

http://www.news24.com/News24/South_Africa/News/0,,2-7-1442_2380466,00.html

I find this article to be tremendously sad. Poor Nobhule Khumalo died from being beaten to death by four other females. Why? Because Nobhule was a virgin and had personal ambitions of her own. Living in South Africa, however, makes it difficult for one to be a female. Their society considers women to be little more than chattel and child bearers. Remaining a virgin even on a lifetime basis is obviously not an option in this part of the world. This is in light of the fact that just last year, Oprah Winfrey established and opened a school in Meyerton, South Africa, targeted towards female children and teens who showed promise in academics and leadership. But hey, females don’t need education or leadership training, not per South African standards. Personally, I think the worst part of this crime case is that it was female-on-female violence. No, this time we simply cannot blame it on male oppression of females. It simply is not there. This is not an isolated case of where women oppress their own gender. By forcing Nobhule to follow the same route the other women did, they did their own gender a grave disservice. The women who tortured poor Nobhule need to be made an example of.

The one statement from the article that disturbed me the most was the following:

“It made the other girls, who already have children, look bad.”

As in, other girls who were also seventeen years old and have been making babies since they started their menses? Maybe this would appear to be the norm in South Africa but here in the United States, that sort of behavior is still considered to be socially unacceptable. But then, maybe in the United States education and ambitions for girls are valued, maybe not as highly as they should be, but they are valued. But I digress here. Nobhule has been martyred for being a virgin at a young age, which is a shame. This girl wanted to be an achiever but that was promptly taken away from her. Had she waited to marry and have children in her twenties, that may have been too much for other girls in South Africa who were used to the status quo. Nobhule’s teacher Chiliza said that there was rising jealousy of her student from other girls. Jealousy would explain much of why the beating happened. Being free from looking after children warrants a more peaceful life, private time to oneself, and lower blood pressure. If girls as young as seventeen are having babies, of course they are going to be jealous of girls who do not have kids to take care of and look after.

Maybe it is time for their values system to change. Africa is one of the few continents to still practice female genital mutilation, men carrying HIV even believe that they will eliminate the disease if they knowingly spread it to a virgin female, and on the whole, treat females like second-class citizens. Education is the key to real freedom here, and while Nobhule broke the rules, hopefully other young girls will consider her a role model and not an enemy.

Welcome to Pendragon’s Princess’s blog! I live in the beautiful Southwest desert of the United States, namely, the city of Tucson in Arizona. I am a recent graduate of the University of Arizona. I will be writing primarily about social issues on this blog particularly one of my favorites, the childfree community of the United States of which I am a member. It can be a challenge being a childfree person in 2008 despite the civil rights movement of the 1960’s.

Today, women have the freedom to choose to be married, or be single, have a career, or be a stay at home mom, or to be a return-to-a-career-after-raising-the-children woman. Sadly enough though, women who choose to remain childfree are still a target of criticism by the greater part of American society for whatever reason. We are not viewed as being “normal” for making the choice to be childfree. Childbearing and childrearing are considered to be inborn traits for all females, as traditional western society dictates. Even though some women
have followed these social dictates, only to later discover that they have no instinct for children and perhaps even feeling a lack of personal fulfillment due to some talent that never came to fruition. Few women are strong enough to challenge these social dictates even though they might otherwise be happily married and have what they feel to be a perfect relationship with their boyfriend or husband. Yes, there are consequences in standing by your convictions but it is much better for the woman to be true to herself than to portray herself as a fraud to the rest of human society.

More on this later.