Pendragons Princess

(Note: This is cross posted from my blog at Livejournal)

A woman’s best friend is her husband. And if she does not have a husband, her best friend is probably a boyfriend, or male friend she is not romantically involved with. So, why a man? The media has long been espousing that a girl’s best friend is a diamond. Is it really, though? It is kind of hard to confide in a diamond and a diamond, regardless of its beauty, cannot be snuggled or held in comfort. Again, why a man? Is there more to the natural complement of the two genders than meets the eye?

If you are like me, a female, you probably have a very hard if not impossible time trying to relate to other females. For straight females this is a challenge, maybe less difficult for females of the lesbian persuasion. My personal lifetime experience has led me to conclude that males make better friends and confidants than females do. Why? Perhaps it is because there is less jealousy and backstabbing with male friends of females. I have been on the receiving end more than a few times in my life when it came to gossip, backstabbing, jealousy, and plain “You are not welcome here” statements said to my face by other females. As much as I have tried to “win” the friendship of females it cannot be done. The word win is a bit loaded, since true friendship has to be earned, not won or given. The same thing with true, genuine love - it is something that can not be given - it has to be earned.

On to my story. Both before the time I met my husband and after the time I met him I realized there is a reason the genders part from their own and become united with a member of the opposite gender. It is not just because of biological mating reasons, but because the psychological makeup is different between males and females. Males can easily be independent, not being impossible to please the way so many females are. Males are also more rational when it comes to dealing with personal issues while women tend to be more emotional, maybe too emotional and take everything personally, whatever happens to them. Logically, the logical-emotional balance is ideal in any kind of human relationship. What happens when there is an emotional-emotional match in the relationship?

Disaster. You could do everything in the world for your female friend, only to be dealt the final blow of “You’re not better than me.” Well, when anyone of my gender tells me, it is bye-bye. You are not a friend, you have never been a real friend. I can see that I wasted my valuable energy and time on you. I promise not to do that ever again. I don’t owe you a thing. Have a nice life.

Scenario number two: Trust. Okay so it takes a long time for trust to be earned, if at all. Should you flunk that trust test, it is bye-bye to you, too. Seeing that you decided to betray my trust by using my words against me in front of people I do not know, I can and I will up and walk out on you. Do not try to call me asking why I have not been around since you managed to get me rejected by you. If you want to openly reject my company, fine. I will grant you the same thing. But do not be asking me as to why I have not been in your presence in quite a while.

Those are just two prime examples of female jealousy. I should add to the second one, the female in question admitted to having a problem with alcoholism and being insecure of personal talents and abilities. And she told me this why? Maybe I should have taken that as a warning flag and gotten out of that acquaintance-ship sooner than I did since that was no friendship. But really, do men do this kind of thing? No, they do not. I can vouch for this since I had men friends in the past before I married my best friend.

Now, I can think of other reasons why men and not women are a woman’s best friend. As a friendship, the male is the solid one, capable of comforting the woman, encouraging her to forget whatever it was that hurt her and join the guy in spending time together, doing something good for herself. If the woman is lucky to have her father as a best friend, that’s even better. My dad and I were very close to each other several years before he died. Mom gave up on me, as so many women are wont to give up on daughters for whatever reason (most likely jealousy again). I was never able to please my mother even though I gave up so many personal interests for her. I had no friends at all, no communication with the outside world, was not allowed to achieve my maximum potential, increased problems at work, even tried running away from home (forget that, the cops would have been on my tail). I can honestly say my best friend at one point in my life was my father, not my mother. I still miss him. Then, getting married to my best friend - just the two of us all alone with a few witnesses and no family of any kind - that was the second to last nail in the coffin. The final nail in the coffin is the fact that I am childfree and a nullipara, something which I revel in. If you ask me I think my mother would have preferred being a nullipara too but hey back then people married just to legitimize doing it in the bedroom. Thankfully, my marriage is built on an entirely different premise.

My husband is my best friend. I can go to him with my personal troubles and not have to worry about him saying anything behind my back that could cause further damage. He makes me laugh when I am down. He is my comforter, my lover, my rock. He is always there for me. We work together, play together, worship together, and love together. I spend more time with my husband than I do anywhere else. I admit to being highly protective of my sweetheart. You see, he too has gone through his own private hells and has overcome much but together as a unit, we overcame even more. The two examples I have posed above may get buried to the point where they are forgotten.

Right now, however, my best friend is sitting up in bed watching an old British film. It’s just one of the many interests that we share in common. I think I will join him.