Pendragons Princess

http://www.truemomconfessions.com/confessions/tmc111019161

This sucks. I’ve just had an epiphany that I’m totally wishing my life away waiting for my children to grow up so I can get on with MY life. I can’t wait until they’re old enough to go to school and get them out of my hair. I hate all of this and I dread each and every day. I wish this was a rant, vent or just a bad day but it’s not. I HATE BEING A MOM. I get very little out of this and I’m beginning to doubt my capacity to love anything at all. I wouldn’t mind wishing a few years of my life away if I had more of it ahead of me than I do. I’m 40 and these kids won’t be going to school for several more years. The worst part of this whole thing is that both of my children are adopted and somewhere out there are two birth mothers whose children went to an adoptive mother who has very little appreciation for them. This is the dirtiest, most awful–probably the ONLY awful thing I’ve ever done, but boy is it a doozy. I can’t tell a soul this because it’s just too terrible to say out loud. It’s probably every birth-mother’s nightmare…to plan an adoption for your child who ends up with a mother who doesn’t want or appreciate them. I really have no idea how I got here or why this happened, but I know it makes me an awful person—a person I can’t look at in the mirror because my heart is so small that I can’t stand being a mother. I used to like me. I hate having kids. This crushing boredom, endless need, bottomless thanklessness, blatant greed and inconsideration are slowly killing me. Even worse still is that I pretend very poorly that things are “okay” and in the end that will only rob these two kids of something real. It’s clear that I can’t “fake it ’til I make it” in this situation. If there was any way to save face and send these kids away, I’d do it. The worst of the worst? I hate myself, but I think I hate them more. Maybe they’ll get lucky and I’ll die before they really figure out what a horrific bitch their “mother” really is.
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True Mom Confessions is always fun for childfree people to read.. You get to read the thing that childed people gripe about non-stop about their kids. But the post above strikes a nerve, I suspect, with many women who have children. Normally I’d classify this under “You don’t know why you had children” but there is something that goes even deeper here: if the poster knew her life was going to be that way once she had kids, then why did she adopt kids? I mean, she admits that she didn’t quite know why she got where she is today, wasn’t she thinking before she decided to adopt?

There is one issue with babies and children that almost no one likes to talk about openly in society: the fact that adults cannot benefit from having children. Childfree people actually think about this and are aware that adults cannot benefit from having children but it would appear that childed people do not think about this (or anything else, for that matter). Once a couple had a child, they have to make sacrifices for that child. That is hardly a benefit. Then, as the child gets older, more potential grief arises: the teenaged child getting in trouble with the law, hangs around the wrong crowd, is lazy and unambitious. Where is the benefit here? We don’t even need to get into early adult years when the kid drops out of high school, refuses to get a job, and lives rather comfortably in the parent’s basement. That so-called kid is not even a contributing member of society. Where is the benefit here?

It can be even worse when people, like the woman who posted in True Mom Confessions, get themselves coerced into adopting. It’s possible that she bought into motherhood hook, line, and sinker, and now she’s past the sinking part. Or it could be she only did it to please her own parents, because they were lusting for grandchildren. Lusting for children through adoption is even worse since one has to actively make a decision to adopt, and it does require a lot of red tape to get through to legally “buy” a child.

I have actually had people tell me to consider adopting, even after I tell them, “My husband and I do not want any children.” Too many people do not understand what that means. Not wanting children means just that, and that goes for adopting kids, too. At least we won’t be making that mistake, either.