Pendragons Princess

It’s that time of the year once again, when spawn dress up, go door to door, and yell “Trick or Treat!” They do not come to our door, thank goodness, but the entire event brings to mind movies will hell spawn in them. Not surprisingly, a good number of them are horror films, or thrillers. So, here is my list of hellspawn films:

The Omen, 1976. Damien is a boy who is literally Satan’s spawn. Anyone who crosses him, gets knocked off. How precious. Not.

The Bad Seed, 1956. Patty McCormack was nominated as Best Actress for an Oscar in a supporting role in this film. Patty portrays a cold-blooded murderer who appears to be all sugar and spice on the outside. No doubt the Menendez brothers idolized Patty.

The Fallen Idol, 1948. Philip, the Satan-spawn of a French ambassador makes life a total living hell for everyone around him and especially for the butler, Baines. Baines (Ralph Richardson) is suspected to be involved in a murder but is innocent. No wonder the parents of this monster are always away from him - I would be, too. This film won the BAFTA 1948 award for Best British Film and was also nominated for an Oscar the same year.

Village of the Damned, 1960. Long considered a classic of the horror genre, the children of an English village all have the same bleached-blond hair and eyes that control the actions of adults. Sounds a lot like the spoiled brats in America 2008, minus the hair color.

The Twilight Zone, “It’s a Good Life”, 1961. Not a movie, but worth mentioning here. Billy Mumy as hellspawn with powers that will punish any adult who is not nice to him. Yeah, America 2008 again but thank God most hellspawn don’t have the powers that Anthony Fremont has.

It’s Alive, 1974. It’s those precious babies once again, only this time, they are killing machines, even killing its bearer, the doctors, and nurses in the hospital at the beginning of the film. The special effects are a bit dated, but they are still effective and graphic.

The Other, 1972. Written by Tom Tryon, a former actor, this story is about twin brothers, one good, the other one, downright evil. Bizarre accidents start to happen but only grandma knows the truth about the twins.

Dennis the Menace, 1993. More accurately classified as hellspawn dark comedy, why anyone would want to have a child like this is beyond me. This kid is so evil, he almost gets the elderly neighbor Mr. Wilson’s nuts cut off with a canoe in the attic. Crotchdump extraordinaire.

The Exorcist, 1973. Little Megan is possessed by the demon Pazuzu after playing with a Ouija board. If you ask me, all unruly kids are possessed by demons but as to whether their names are Pazuzu, I have no idea.

Mildred Pierce, 1945. Joan Crawford stars as the mother of a spoiled rotten crotchdump and cannot win its affection, no matter how much the mother does for the dump. I personally think every young mother of today should be forced to watch this film. I’d be very surprised if they even know who Joan Crawford is.

The Children’s Hour, 1961. A female Satan-spawn at a private girls’ school makes life a living hell for two female teachers. Audrey Hepburn and Shirley Maclaine star in this Oscar nominated film. More proof that children are not innocent or precious.

Let’s face it, more movies have portrayed children as being pure evil than innocent, precious snowflakes from seventh heaven. But, such films are a great form of birth control.